Awkward Convos With Your MIL/Resenting Motherhood/Resources for NICU Moms
This week's round-up of must-reads.
We’re in the swing of back-to-school season and the countdown to the ‘official’ start of fall. While summer always feels busy, autumn brings the same rush—but with a side of cozy vibes. Snuggling under a blanket with a cup of tea while watching a favorite movie might be more of a luxury than a past-time these days, but we hope you find some time to enjoy this new season ahead.
This week, we have the 101 guide to getting through those *very* awkward conversations with an overzealous mother-in-law and navigating (normal) resentment in motherhood. Plus, in September, we honor and celebrate NICU parents with self-care tips you may find helpful.
How to Handle Awkward Conversations With Your Mother-in-Law
New moms often face a whirlwind of concerns—caring for their baby, navigating new identities, and maintaining relationships—without needing unsolicited advice from their mother-in-law. Unfortunately, unwelcome opinions are common—especially from, ahem, your mother-in-law. Handling these situations can be difficult, as new moms feel the pressure to respect their partner's family while asserting their own boundaries. Here’s how to navigate this tricky dynamic.
Read here.
Let’s Be Clear: I Resented Motherhood—But Not My Child
At 33, this writer was living a healthy, active life in Chicago during her first pregnancy, envisioning a picture-perfect motherhood journey. However, a high blood pressure scare at 36 weeks changed everything, leading to an unplanned cesarean delivery. Despite the joy of welcoming her baby on Independence Day, the early months were overwhelming, marked by breastfeeding challenges and sleepless nights. Over time, she wrestled with resentment toward motherhood's demands, her identity shift, and societal pressures. Through deep inner work and self-awareness, she transformed her mindset, finding fulfillment as a mother, business owner, and advocate for personal growth.
Read here.
News Moms Are Talking About:
Brooke Hogan and her postpartum body struggles: If you remember the 2000s show, Hogan Knows Best, you remember Brooke Hogan. After having her son, Billy, she expected to return to her pre-baby body relatively easily. But like many other new moms, these expectations were too high. Hogan found it tough to work out and even just to get up and walk around. “I assumed that you have your six-week baby check-up and you’re ready to go. I thought I had set myself up to be strong for the birth and afterwards. But I was in quite a lot of pain and feeling pressure,” Hogan shared. If you’re expecting or in the early days of your postpartum journey, remember that whatever pace you take for anything is more than okay. You don’t have to force yourself or feel bad that you can’t get back to your pre-pregnancy body.
This mom is on a mission to normalize postpartum bodies: TikToker Georgia Coady asked her followers if they ever thought about what a body looks like after having three c-sections. She then removed her robe and embraced her stomach and scars. "There are so many women out there who are self-conscious of their bodies post-C-section," Coady said. "After thinking, I realized not many women show off their post-C-section bodies, or even know what a C-section scar looks like! It's something that needs to be normalized!" Coady had two-emergency c-sections and one elective one. She found it hard to be confident after her body had changed so much but she wanted every mother to know that they’re not alone. Her TikTok now has more than 500,000 views and the comments are flooded with women finding comfort in seeing someone with a similar body to them.
Olivia Munn opens up about her postpartum anxiety: Actress and new mom, Olivia Munn reflected on her postpartum struggles after having her son in November 2021. "I had heard about postpartum depression and I was prepared for it, but postpartum anxiety was something I had never heard about and it hit me like the entire ocean was on top of me,” Munn said on The Kelly Clarkson Show. "It was unbelievably difficult. It was a month after I had the baby and all of a sudden at four a.m., my eyes just pop open, and I start [gasping for breath] and then my chest is tight and it stays tight all the long.” Munn also struggled with low milk supply, shifting her hormones and contributing to her anxiety. But she wants women to be informed and prepared about the possibility of postpartum anxiety so they understand what is happening to them and know when to reach out for help.
Last Word of the Week: Self-Care For NICU Moms & Families
September is NICU Awareness Month, a time dedicated to honoring the strength and resilience of families with babies who begin their lives in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). This month serves as a crucial reminder of the unique challenges faced by NICU parents and the importance of providing support to those navigating this difficult journey.
At the heart of NICU Awareness Month is the celebration of all mothers on their motherhood journeys—whether they are currently enduring the emotional and physical toll of having a baby in the NICU or have experienced it in the past.
We stand with NICU moms, recognizing the courage it takes to face the uncertainty and fear that come with premature births or critical health issues. During this difficult period, it can challenging to set aside self-care time for yourself—but the reality is you’re also healing after birth.
We spoke with Jodi Klaristenfeld, the founder of FLRRiSH, a company dedicated to supporting NICU families by providing them with tools, education and a community to help navigate the challenges of having a premature or critically ill baby. They offer programs that focus on the mental, emotional, and physical well-being of NICU mothers and their families, ensuring they receive comprehensive care during and after their NICU experience.
Here, her best advice for taking time for you as you also care for your baby:
Feeling more mindful in the NICU is about making lemonade out of lemons. The conditions won’t be perfect, but there are a few things we can do to calm our nerves and bring ourselves back into our bodies when we’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
Learning how to feel mindful in the NICU also prepares us for challenges, blocks, and frustrating moments later in life (and motherhood). If we can learn how to regulate ourselves now in an impossibly difficult situation, everything else will seem manageable by comparison.
Your baby needs you, so in order to help them, you must help yourself first. Try these five mindfulness tips.
Support Yourself with Self Care & Remind Yourself You’re Doing the Best You Can
Wherever you are right now, I want you to stop, take a deep breath, and repeat after me:
“I am doing the best I can, and that is more than enough.”
The fact that you care so deeply about whether you’re doing enough, whether or not you’re a good mother—and whether your child is being cared for in the best possible way, is proof that you’re a great mom.
There’s no instruction manual that comes with having a child. Being a new parent is baptism by fire. All you have is the knowledge, life experience, and instincts you’ve developed up to this point, so lean on those.
Self-care looks different for everyone. For some it might be going for a walk to feel the sunlight on their skin, for others it might be processing their feelings in a journal. Whatever it is for you–make sure you’re showing up for yourself in a way that is kind, caring, and gentle. Allow yourself to go outside, stay hydrated and get enough to eat. Do the things that make you feel human—and most importantly, be kind to yourself.
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably full of guilt, sorting through the archives of your mind trying to remember what you might have done to cause this. If no one has told you, let me be the first: this is not your fault. Punishing yourself by reliving what you could have done over and over again is not going to help. You are a great mom, and your child is lucky to have you.
When you show up for yourself first, you’ll be more equipped to show up for your family. The NICU is not an easy journey, but you and your baby are stronger than you know.
Try the 5-4-3-2-1 Method
I love this tip for mindfulness because it instantly takes me from 100 back down to 0. It also takes all of two minutes to do. Anxiety tends to bring us out of the present moment. Our mind cycles through worst-case scenarios, panic sets into our bodies, and we get stuck in a fight-or-flight response. The 5-4-3-2-1 technique works because it restores that mind-body connection and brings us back to what’s happening right now.
The next time you find yourself flooded with what-ifs and other anxious thoughts, try this:
Notice five things you can see. It can be as simple as the wheels underneath the incubator, a hand sanitizing station, or even a tree outside the hospital window.
Find four things you can touch. Maybe it’s the soft fabric of your shirt, your partner’s hand, or the chair you’re sitting on.
Identify three things you can hear. It might be the sound of doctors talking, ventilators humming, or the click of the IV pumps.
Notice two things you can smell. If you’re tired of smelling disinfectants or don’t find the scent of sterile rubber pleasant, you can smell the shampoo in your hair or the fresh linens in your home.
Finally, find one thing you can taste. It can be as simple as water from a styrofoam cup.
Relax Your Body
This mindfulness tip might be a given, but it bears repeating. Our bodies can tense up so easily, and we don’t even realize it.
Stress can take a physical toll on our bodies. It can cause us to grind our teeth at night or experience aches and pains in our neck, shoulders, and back. It can also cause headaches, weakened immune systems, and other problems.
We have to treat our bodies like the precious vessels they are. They do so much for us: get us from place to place, protect and nourish us, and give birth (to name a few). Anything we can do to nurture our bodies is like saying a big “thank you” to ourselves.
One easy way to give back to our bodies is by intentionally relaxing. At least a few times a day, close your eyes, bring awareness to your neck and shoulders, loosen them, and take a big, deep breath. Tune into your inhale and exhale for 30 to 60 seconds.
If it’s in your budget, you can also book a massage. (If it’s not, you can always ask your partner to rub your shoulders!) It’s crucial to continue doing the things that make us feel good. Start with deep breaths, but take things to the next level if you can. Go for a quick walk, do 10 minutes of yoga, or take a warm bath.
Whatever you can do to give your body relief and return to a place of mindful awareness is worth it.
Use a Journal
Journaling is another way to become more mindful in the NICU. One of the best pieces of advice I received during my hospital journey was to carry a notebook in my bag whenever I visited my daughter.
I wrote down the date, her stats (such as her weight and how much she was eating), the challenges we faced, and questions I had so I could remember to ask them the next time I saw the doctor.
I can’t express how helpful this was to my husband and I. Our journals served as both a place where we could safely work through our emotions and a place where we could document our daughter’s journey. I’m excited to give this journal to Jenna one day so she can see just how far she has come.
An important thing to note here is that you don’t have to use a journal the same way other people use a journal. You can write whatever you want in it. It doesn’t have to be organized or pretty. It can look like complete nonsense to an outsider.
Process your emotions the way you need to process them. If you’re leaning on a higher power, you can write down your prayers. Or you can just dump your thoughts. The most important thing to remember is to write without judgment.
Try Some NICU-Specific Meditations
My final mindfulness tip is to try some NICU-specific meditations. While there’s nothing wrong with a traditional meditation app like Calm or Headspace, I find that NICU meditations better address the specific emotional and psychological stress we’re going through.
I like this YouTube meditation for the drive home from the hospital or these written meditations by Every Tiny Thing.
I hope these methods are helpful. Remember, a few mindfulness tips are not long-term prescriptions for serious mental health problems. If you are struggling with postpartum depression, PTSD, or another condition, please seek medical help!
I’m not a doctor and can’t give official medical advice, but I am a fellow preemie mom who can help ease the burden of what you’re going through. If you’ve already sought help from a medical professional and want extra support navigating the NICU and the journey beyond, you can check out my services here.