Let's Talk About RAGE/Mom Isn't Always the Default Parent/*Don't* Stay Together for the Kids
This week's round-up of must-reads.
This week, we are kickstarting our digest with a profound exploration of postpartum RAGE, dissecting its layers and challenging the conventional view of maternal primacy, advocating for equitable parental roles. Then, we’ll explore how sometimes, mom isn’t the default parent—and that’s okay. Not only does this change as children grow and families evolve, but it allows space for dad to take the lead.
Next, we’ll confront the taboo notion that staying together for the kids may not always serve the family. In fact, separating may be healthier than children witnessing (and enduring) an unhealthy marriage.
All of this, plus news you need to know—and more:
My Postpartum Rage Was Valuable (And So is Yours)
A clinical social worker faces postpartum rage after a challenging birth, pandemic isolation, and work-related frustrations. Postpartum rage, triggered by hormonal shifts and life changes, leads to unexplained anger, constant tension, and guilt. Through therapy and acceptance, she shares how her rage as transformative, empowering her to navigate parenthood authentically while acknowledging her emotions.
Read it here.
When Mom Isn’t the Default Parent
In a modern, egalitarian marriage, the writer and her husband successfully balance parenthood and entrepreneurship, with her husband taking on primary caregiving Despite initially feeling sidelined as a working mom when their son favors his dad, she discovered parental preferences are common phases and not indicative of her abilities. Mom doesn’t have to be the default parent, after all.
Read here.
Stop Convincing Moms To Stay In Toxic Relationships For The Kids
The writer reflects on her experience of leaving a toxic marriage while in the NICU with her premature twins, going against advice to wait until after their first birthday to make big decisions. Despite initial hopes of solving their issues, she decided to prioritize her and her daughters' well-being over societal pressure to stay together for the kids. She advises new moms to trust their intuition, communicate openly with their partners, and recognize that genuine effort—not milestones—are what can mend a relationship.
Read it here.
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News Moms Are Talking About:
New York state will be the first state to mandate paid leave for prenatal care: In ‘about damn time’ news—New York state will now require employers to offer 20 hours of paid leave for attending prenatal appointments, effective January 1, 2025, under the expanded NY Paid Family Leave Law. This new benefit aims to support pregnant employees by providing time off for prenatal care without reducing existing paid leave benefits.
Emily Oster’s latest book, ‘The Unexpected’ is out: We’ve read all of her books, and can’t wait to crack open her latest! Authored by Emily Oster and Nate Bostrom, the book covers various complications like preterm birth, preeclampsia, and gestational diabetes, offering both statistical analysis and practical advice for approaching medical consultations. Oster continues to be a champion for women and mothers, providing them vital information to help them advocate for themselves and their families.
The Best (and Worst) States to Be a Working Mom: WalletHub's report on the best states for working moms evaluates factors like child care quality, work-life balance, and professional opportunities to rank each state. Vermont, Massachusetts, and Connecticut emerge as the top three states offering the most favorable conditions for working mothers, while Louisiana, Alabama, and Nevada rank lowest. The analysis considers metrics such as median women’s salary, pediatricians per capita, gender pay gap and other factors.
Substacks We Recommend
We aren’t meant to mother alone—and yet, there are so few resources available to women as they try to find their footing and new routines. As journalists, we read as much as we write—and these are the Substacks we love:
Emily Oster’s ParentData: Rather than Googling your latest anxiety, search your pregnancy, postpartum & mothering concerns here. Economics professor at Brown University, best-selling author and mom of two uses science to answer burning questions with a smart, calm attitude every mom needs.
Two Truths: Two Truths is a newsletter honoring and exploring the duality of motherhood by journalists Cassie Shortsleeve and Kelsey Lucas. We love the thoughtful researching and the realistic perspective that gives mothers permissions to feel everything—the good and the bad.
(Psst: Have you considered starting a Substack but don’t know where to start? Or don’t want to write it yourself? We offer journey-focused newsletter strategy and development. Get in touch to set up a free introductory call: lindsay@milaandjomedia.com.)
Happy Mother’s Day!
We see you mama. And we mean, we *really* see you.
We see you taking deep breaths as your toddler has their 30th tantrum of the day.
We see you trying to respond to your best friend in the middle of a crisis—while also trying to take care of your child, manage your household & exceed in your career.
We see you feeling so alone in your miscarriage—not knowing where to seek help and feeling so betrayed by your own body.
We see you in those dark, exhausting, long days of postpartum—staring in disbelief of your perfect, tiny human, and yet, feeling so lost in this new role of ‘mom.’
We see you missing your friendships, your marriage, your freedom.
And we see you on the other side, giggling alongside your child, dancing in the kitchen, maybe feeling ready to try for another baby.
We see you through it all.
We founded Mila & Jo Media—the publisher of The Mother Chapter and Miscarriage Movement—to fill the content void in the parenting space. When you’re expecting, all of the attention from doctors and friends/family alike is focused on you. But the moment the baby is born (or if you lose your pregnancy), it all fades away.
We believe you still deserve (and need) the spotlight.
Through our microsites and this newsletter, we provide thought-provoking, raw and honest essays written from real moms who share their fertility, pregnancy, postpartum & motherhood journeys. We provide expert-backed guides answering the questions you Google late at night when everyone else is asleep. And lastly, we offer coaching services—including individual and group options—to help build the mom village our generation so desperately craves.
We want to be part of your community and your mothering experience. Let us know how we continue to be an advocate for you.